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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014485">Triple C</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cabbage_Vampire/pseuds/Cabbage_Vampire'>Cabbage_Vampire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>What We Do in the Shadows (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Humor, M/M, Meta, Other, colin writes fanfic of himself, extremely silly, mentions of smut but not actually smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:22:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cabbage_Vampire/pseuds/Cabbage_Vampire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Colin Robinson notes that there is not enough Colin Robinson fanfic, and decides to rectify that, with the documentary crew as his reluctant beta readers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Colin Robinson/Colin Robinson/C-Man</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Triple C</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to Jackie Gaytona for the original idea. If Colin Robinson wrote fanfiction, it would absolutely be Colin/Colin/C-Man, and I'm here to make you all suffer with what that would look like...</p><p>(why is Colin so hard to write? It takes talent to be that boring...)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘It has come to my attention,’ Colin explained, ‘that there is a substantial amount of fan fiction concerning the bedroom activities of my housemates.’ </p><p>He sat cross legged amongst his laptops, up-lit by their harsh white glare. </p><p>‘Here, you see’ - he pointed at a screen - ‘three hundred and fifty seven works featuring the pairing known as ‘Nandermo’. That’s a portmanteau formed from ‘Nandor’ and ‘Guillermo’, to those unfamiliar with the Shadows fandom. Portmanteaus in general are a staple of the fan community; you might be familiar with’—</p><p>The director coughed pointedly.</p><p>‘Whoopsie-daisy, didn’t notice I was draining you there.’ Colin’s eyes cooled back to their regular shade, and he smirked. ‘As I was saying, there is a lot of Nandor and Guillermo smut, even some Nadja and Laszlo stuff, but for some reason, nobody is writing any about me.’</p><p>One cameraman hissed ‘I wonder why?’ to the other and stifled a laugh. Unfortunately for him, Colin seized the moment to bore them all further. </p><p>‘Well, actually, that’s a very good question. I think it would be hard to capture my unique mixture of masculine virility and exhausting conversation. Fandom is actually a great feeding ground for an energy vampire.' He paused, lost in happy memories of past megadrains. 'In fact, let’s see if there’s anything tasty online right now.’ </p><p>Colin hoisted the nearest computer onto his lap and took a deep, excited sniff. ‘OK, on Reddit today we have a piece of Nandor-Guillermo fan art. Looking very cosy there. I can work with this.’</p><p>He cracked his knuckles and began to type. ‘I’m not homophobic, but why do people have to force gay relationships into everything? They’re clearly just friends.’ Malevolence twitched at the corner of his mouth as he pressed send. </p><p>A notification pinged and Colin closed his eyes contentedly, drinking in the negative energy he was creating. The director coughed again.</p><p>‘You were talking about fanfiction?’</p><p>‘Yes.’ Colin’s eyelids snapped open. ‘Jeez, give me a minute to chew my food.’ He shot the team a mildly offended look before continuing. ‘Given the lack of fanfiction, fanart, fancams or other fan-made artifacts concerning me, I thought it was time I wrote some myself. And you guys are gonna be the first to hear it.'</p><p>He cleared his throat theatrically and began to read.</p><p>‘COLIN x COLIN x C-MAN</p><p>Tags: enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, filth, smut, dead dove do not eat’</p><p>Cameraman number one broke in. ‘What does that mean?’</p><p>‘You should probably google it.’ </p><p>‘I’m not going to google it.’</p><p>Colin resumed the tags. ‘Energy vampire, energy drinking, m/m/m, necrophilia’</p><p>The wince on the camera man’s face made his grin more diabolical. </p><p>‘Don’t worry, that’s in chapter two. Chapter 1 is just regular porn.’ He settled back onto his pillow and began the story proper.</p><p>‘It had been a very long, hard day in the office, but Colin didn’t want to go home just yet. He’d come to realise that his flatmates just didn’t appreciate him, and that sucked.’ Colin flicked his gaze over to the crew to see how they were receiving the story. ‘Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor just took him for granted. It was almost like he was a familiar or something.’ He chuckled and turned to the camera. ‘Gizmo’s gonna love that bit when I do the house reading. You guys are my test audience.’</p><p>‘Lately, he’d felt a gaping emptiness inside him, a hole that needed to be filled, a raw need.’ Eyebrows raised, Colin drew out the ‘raw’ to an uncomfortable degree.  ‘Mmm, I wonder where this is going, don’t you guys?’</p><p>‘All life had left to offer was feeding, and Colin had fed a lot. So much in fact, that he had almost leached every nutrient from his favourite pasture: the office. Most of his co-workers had been calling in sick, and those that made it in could barely move. Colin was almost proud of how thoroughly he’d drained each and every one of those sheeple, but he had to face the facts - it was getting unhealthy. Sitting uncomfortably behind his desk, engorged, he felt something begin to change inside him.’ </p><p>‘How do you guys like the word use there? I’m a big fan of ‘engorged’ personally but uh, I could go with ‘totally filled’ instead’, Colin asked the crew, in the tone of a librarian asking if someone wanted their print in greyscale or colour. The response was blank. ‘Never mind. I wouldn’t take your advice anyway. I just like turning it down.’</p><p>‘Unsure of what was happening, he closed his eyes and felt a weight leaving his body, seeping through his skin and caressing it as it went. The heavy, lonesome burden of being an energy vampire seemed suddenly manageable. Colin dared to open his eyes and saw them - two perfect, shining replicas of himself, stood freshly made in front of him.’</p><p>‘“Who are you?” he said, confused. “I don’t understand—” </p><p>The first clone stepped forward. “I am you.” </p><p>“You...are...me?” Colin met the eyes of the other Colins with confusion. “All of us are Colin?”</p><p>It was the second clone’s turn to speak. “Well, I prefer to go by the name C-Man, but yes. See, you became so powerful, that your body just couldn’t hold it any more. So here we are.”</p><p>Colin stared on in astonished, knee-trembling awe. There was only one thing to do. There was only one thing you could do, when faced with two perfectly-formed clones.</p><p>They were gonna have sex, right here, right now.’</p><p>‘OK.’ The director cut in firmly. ‘It’s been an hour. I think we can live without the money shot. That’s it for the day, guys!’</p><p>‘But we haven’t even got to the nudity yet!’ Colin said, with a mixture of bafflement and indignation. The camera crew began to pack up their equipment impassively, thinking of their dinners. </p><p>As they headed up the stairs from his basement, he called after them.</p><p>‘Never mind, I’ll just email you the rest. I’ll CC your moms too. I think they’re gonna love it!’</p><p>Even his parting shot didn’t get a rise. It seemed like the documentary crew were almost too used to him to be drained. </p><p>‘Dammit,’ Colin cursed, and typed out an email. </p><p>
  <i>To: nandor@hotmail.com, guillermothegreat@memosmanmilk.com, nadjaandlaszlo69@aol.com</i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i>Subject: Urgent House Meeting</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Meet in thirty. I have something important to share.</i>
</p>
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